


Lord Help the Mister

by rabidchild67



Series: Wangst [6]
Category: White Collar
Genre: Crack, F/M, M/M, Sara Ellis is awesome, Talking Vagina, Talking vaginas are wise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-12
Updated: 2013-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 02:28:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/681676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rabidchild67/pseuds/rabidchild67
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara and her ladyparts discuss Neal and Peter and come up with a plan!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lord Help the Mister

**Author's Note:**

> Title is a lyric from the song "Sisters" by Irving Berlin.

Sara Ellis stretched languidly back on the pile of pillows on her bed, sated, relaxed, a smile on her flushed face, and sighed.

“Oh thank you, thank you. You’re so good to me,” her pussy sighed, the last vestiges of their orgasm still causing her to quiver deliciously.

She smiled in response, adjusted the silk robe around herself, but kept it open. It was a pleasantly warm summer Friday afternoon and the ceiling fan cooled her naked body. “Well, you know how much I love to touch you after a waxing. So smooth and lovely.”

Her pussy sighed again. She always felt pretty after a salon appointment. “What are we doing tonight? It’s the weekend!”

“It is! Neal wants to take us to Shakespeare in the Park and then a late supper. What do you think?”

“Oh, those tickets are so hard to get. How exciting! Oooohhhhh, I’m so happy.”

Sara nodded in agreement. “I know why you’re happy…” she teased.

Her pussy twitched. “Stop it, I’m blushing!”

“Judy and Richard, sittin’ in a tree…” Sara started to sing, reaching fondly down to stroke her.

“He’s so dreamy,” her pussy gushed.

“He’s very pretty, I’ll give you that.”

“He sings to me.”

“He does? How sweet. What does he sing?”

“Old love songs, like George Gershwin and Cole Porter. He’s very sophisticated. Just like Neal.”

“Yeeeaaahhh, just like Neal,” Sara drawled, smiling. She stroked her pussy again, remembering how sophisticated Neal could be.

“Do you like him?”

“Neal? Of course I like him. He wouldn’t be in our bed if I didn’t like him.”

“Do you like him-like him?”

“What are we, in middle school? I enjoy his company. He gives us mind-shattering orgasms. He sings to _me_ – sometimes. And he is also veeeery pretty.“

“I’m sensing a ‘but.’”

Sara sighed. “You know me too well.”

“He’s not Malcolm.”

Sara nodded sadly. “He’s not Malcolm. God, I hate myself for still being so hung up on him sometimes!”

“Oh, sweetie, don’t be upset,” Sara’s pussy said soothingly, fluttering slightly to calm her. “There’s nothing wrong with being in love. So you picked the wrong guy. It doesn’t make either of you bad. It makes you unlucky.”

“That’s what I love about you: you always see the best in people. I wish I could be more like you.”

“Oh stop it, you’re lovely. And funny and generous. You’ll fall in love again soon enough and forget all about Malcolm.”

“I wish it were true.”

“Stop getting yourself down. Neal could be that person, couldn’t he?”

“I don’t think so. He’s still hung up on another person too, in case you hadn’t noticed.”

“His penis told me. I think it is very sad.”

“It’s probably why we get along so well. A couple of sob sisters.”

“Yes, Neal's penis says Neal has been in love with Peter for a long time. It’s a shame, because Peter loves him back and they can’t be together.”

“Really? I thought it was just a fling they were having.”

“Oh no, they are in love, but they had to end it.”

“Because Peter’s married?”

“No, because of Neal, actually. If the FBI finds out, Peter’s afraid they’ll send Neal back to prison.”

“And it can’t be good for his career, either. My goodness, I didn’t realize how much risk was involved. It’s so unfair.”

“It is,” Sara’s pussy agreed.

They lay together silently for several minutes, thinking. The idea that two people in love were being kept apart really disturbed Sara. Her recent heartbreak had made her very sympathetic to others in similar circumstances, and even if she didn’t love Neal, she cared enough for him to want to see him happy. She suddenly felt she had to do something about it.

“I have an idea…” Sara began.

“For what?”

“For a way that Neal and Peter can be together and not raise any suspicions.”

“Do tell.”

“Well, Neal and I have been seeing a lot of each other lately.”

“Yes, friends with benefits.” Her pussy sighed, thinking of Neal's dick. “Nice benefits.”

“Come on, focus.”

“Sorry.”

“So as far as anyone at the FBI is concerned, Neal and I are together. They’ve certainly seen us together enough.”

“Are you suggesting we act as Neal's beard for his relationship with Peter?”

“Why not?”

“It’s a little crazy,” her pussy said reluctantly. “They could still get caught.”

“Not if we’re smart about it, not if we’re seen together enough. Drinks with the bosses, office Christmas parties, that kind of thing.”

“You sure about this? It’s an awfully big deal, don’t you think?”

“Well, it’s only until Neal's anklet comes off, right? What’s that, another year, two maybe? If we meet someone new in the meantime, then we’ll figure something out. But don’t you want to do something nice for a friend?”

Sara’s pussy thought it over. “Would it still mean we get to see them?” she asked, her tone a bit leading.

Suddenly, Sara understood her pussy’s reluctance. “Oh, honey, of course. We would still see Neal and his dick. They’re our friends.”

Sara’s pussy sighed with relief. The thought of never talking to Neal's dick again was more upsetting than she’d expected. She’d never had such a strong connection with another set of genitalia before, and she would hate to lose that. “OK, then. It’s a plan. Hurray!”

Sara got out of bed and took off her robe. “Let’s get dressed and head over to Neal's and tell him all about it. See what he thinks.”

“OK!” Sara’s pussy was always excited to be helping someone.

“What should we wear?”

“How about the new floral Barbara Tfank dress? It’s so retro.”

“You like that, huh?” Sara had just bought the dress the day before, and loved how it hugged her hips.

“It’s very crisp. I like the lines. The color will go well with Neal's eyes.”

Sara smiled. She was thinking the same thing. “Get off my brain.” She crossed to her dresser and contemplated undergarments.

“Ugh, no SPANX tonight!” her pussy said.

“What, they make my ass look great.”

“So not sexy. It’s too hot.”

“You’re right.”

“Go commando.”

“Judy!” Sara was slightly shocked at the suggestion.

“If the play’s boring, we can maybe let Neal get to third base.”

“I am not hearing this!” Sara laughed. She was, however, completely titillated by the idea. She donned a lacy pink La Perla bra and then crossed to her closet to pull out the dress.

“Besides, we’re newly groomed and rarin’ to go. Live a little.” Secretly, Sara’s pussy hated wearing any kind of underwear. She liked feeling the air around her, plus the tilt of Sara’s pelvis made hearing difficult from her vantage point. It was a constant trial.

Sara walked into the bathroom and began applying make-up and fixing her hair, her pussy offering suggestions along the way. Really, she didn’t know where she’d be without her pussy’s spot-on fashion advice; she was rarely off-base.

When she was done and finally dressed, Sara regarded herself in the full-length mirror critically. She lifted the skirt a bit so her pussy could have a peek. “What do you think?”

“Stunning! The chignon was a great idea. You look like a red-headed Grace Kelly.”

“Oh, if I were a contortionist, I would kiss you!” Sara said.

“I wish you could,” her pussy giggled.

“Neal likes to kiss you.”

“Neal is a _great_ kisser.”

“Yeah,” Sara said, recalling the last time Neal had “kissed” her pussy.

“Yeah,” her pussy said, on the same page.

“Yeeeeeeah…” they said together, and hurried out the door.

\----

Thank you for your time.


End file.
